The Tale of Two Parallel Lines

"Could you stop?"
"Stop? I beg your pardon?"
"Yea, could you stop making me fall for you?"
"Now, really, what?"
"See, you don't even realize. Don't you know how tiring it is to fall over and over again for someone who does not even realize? Not even once."
"But..."
"Just stop, really. I don't want to want you anymore. It is already tiring to see how compatible we are, how we always think in the same way, how we keep going in the same direction yet we never meet. There is not even a 'we', there is just you and I. You and I, who aim for same future but take the path alone."
"Now, could you, also, stop?"
"Excuse me?"
"Stop playing victim. Stop acting like I don't want to cross path with you, while I actually can't. It's not me who keep barricading myself with tall, unbreakable wall."

The Girl Who Never Get in the Spotlight

Her name is Calla, taken from the most beautiful, well-known lily.

But no, Calla never received the same amount of attention as her namesake did.

Since she was in middle school, Calla had been the mediocre student. She joined a club or two and had a group of friends. In the group, however, she never been the pretty one, the smart one, the nice one, or the attractive one. She was only Calla, the girl who never get in the spotlight.

Time passed. Calla went to highschool. Everything, however, remained about the same if not getting worse. Every single time Calla had a crush on a guy, the guy always, always got warm to her. But no, he was never interested in getting close to Calla. She was only a tool for him to get close to her best friend.

Her best friend who always been the pretty one, the smart one, the nice one, and the attractive one: the whole package. Her best friend knew all the guys who were using Calla, and she never ever accepted any of them as her boyfriend. She was, afterall, the nice one.

But Calla was hurt. Calla knew that she would never win. Calla realized she was nothing compared to her best friend. Or anyone else, for that matter.

So one day, in college, after the hundredth time a guy she had fell for tried to befriend her to be with her best friend, Calla made promised to herself.

One day, she said, when I could get a chance of happiness with a guy, even just a slight chance, I would chase the opportunity and seize it. After I caught it, I would flaunt it to the world, so everyone could see how successful I am in being happy.

And that is how the world accidentally forms a monster, from happiness.

The Random Ramblings

There are a lot of things love can do to humans.

It could change them. Sometimes for good, but there are also times it is the other way around. It turns them into someone new. The worst part of this is not knowing whether the one you love really love you for who you are, or for who you have changed into, because of him or her.

It make them discover a whole new world. Although in the process, humans might lost their old ones. Same principle applied to friends: they sacrifice some of their friends just to be with their love.

It could also heal them. It make them forget the bad memories that hurt them in the past, by covering them with pleasant, sweet, more recent ones. It might also make them forget the lessons learned from the memories. At one point, they might regret that they have forgotten the lessons. Unfortunately, they would not know whether they will be regretting because they have forgotten such precious lessons until it was too late. Because for some donkeys, they have to fall to the hole first before learning that they should have avoided the hole in the first place.

It could also manipulate humans, luring them into believing such fairy tale really exist. They got their heads up in the cloud and their feet barely touched the ground, dreamily gazing into beautiful yet dangerous fantasy. The kind of fantasy that feeds them with fake happiness and hurts them slowly. The sweetest poison the universe has ever known.

But if humans do find a real love, it might give them something valuable. True companion who will accept them for who they are, bunch of friends who will stick with them no matter what, a their very own version of happy ending.

But then, how can you know whether you have find a real one? Funny thing, love is.

Picture Perfect

From
http://c-coffee.tumblr.com/post/33893236016

"I don't think I can see him anymore, as friend. Is it even possible to have break up in friendship?"

She stirred her drink with the straw as I sighed, lacked of anything to say. My brain whirred softly as I heard the ice cubes clinked in her glass.

"Why so?"

She lifted her left eyebrow as if didn't believe that was all I can react. She smiled, although not a happy one. The kind of smile that didn't reach the eye. Her eye remained flat, vacant.

"Is it normal that every time I see him, I see every thing that I wish for a guy? That he's the one?"

Well. I had seen that one coming. What I had not prepared yet was how to reply that sentence. So I sighed instead.

"He has almost exactly the same taste with me about most everything. I can talk to him about anything and he is able to respond accordingly. We live in the same pace, point of view, and perspectives. It's really hurt to know that there's someone REALLY perfect for you, but you can't have him. And no, it doesn't help that everyone keep saying we were meant for each other, that we are perfect for each other. I do realize that we are not meant to be together as lifelong partner whatsoever, thanks for that girl he has been waiting for ages. But it's awfully hurt to keep seeing him as friend, or as anything, really."


After blurting everything she felt, she fell silent. I tried to smiled a little before opened my mouth.

"I guess he's your picture perfect guy. You see, the one who will be the perfect match for you. I guess everyone has one, or perhaps more, I don't know. But the picture perfect partner is just, you know, picture perfect. It's unreal. You only keep seeing the perfect picture because that's what you want. Who can resist on something that one wanted oh-so-much?"

I took a breath before continue my monologue.

"As the cliche, old time saying said: what you want is not always what you need, so is the picture perfect guy. He is only perfect for you in the picture. In your head. You should stop picturing that perfect life you could have with him in your head, get over it, and move on with your life. Find someone else."

She sipped her drink, but her eyes were fixed on mine. I considered whether to continue talking. She just kept looking at my eyes, so I decided to continue.

"Some people might mistaken their picture perfect for their soul mate. But those are two very different things. Picture perfect is your reflection, like the one in the mirror. You will have almost identical tastes, perspectives, and everything. While soul mate is your complement, like sugar to tea or strawberry jam to a scone. You complete each other, make each other become a better person. As sugar is not always white and jam is not always sweet, your soul mate might not be perfect. Mostly, soul mate is not picture perfect. But when you meet yours, you will know that he is what you have been waiting for, that he is what you need."

-----

The glasses clinked loudly, and I was awake from my daydream. I unintentionally peered at the girl's notebook and read the only sentence she wrote on the opened page: "I don't think I can see him anymore, as friend. Is it even possible to have break up in friendship?". I knew who 'him' was, the chestnut-colored hair young man with startlingly blue eyes. The girl and him used to sit at the corner table of my uncle's coffee shop. I always spent my summer helping my uncle by being a barista. Last summer was the first time I saw her with him, the picture perfect couple that even made me think they were the perfect couple as my uncle always said to them every now and then. Back then, I even knew how she felt to him. I also knew he didn't. This summer was the first time I saw her alone for some days and with him for another. When I saw her scribbling in the notebook, I felt like I can guess what had happened.

I really want to talk to her, but I didn't know how to make it less stalkerish creepy.

Perhaps if I took the chance, if I talked to her, I might be what she needs...

Memory Lane

Have you ever taken a look back to the road you've taken so far and found out things you've been missing as you chose the other option back then? Have you ever wondered how would it feels if you took that turn in the intersection? Have you ever wondered why are you wondering about that? You've been wondering because you didn't hope to be there instead of where you are, but mostly because you still don't know where are you going after this. 

It was an ordinary autumn day, slightly cloudy but not too chilly. I sat on the bench at the porch, have been wanting to read a book since I arrived home several days ago, and enjoying the apple blossoms-spiced breeze at the same time. The kind of peace I have been wanting since I took a leave from my job, just so I could go home to my hometown. I was going to attend my friend's wedding.

Friend. A gorgeous word in my book. Plus, he is a Friend with the capital F.

We got close during a project back then in college. You know the deal: we met, talked, texted continuously, went out once or twice. Then he said he needed some space, and I went upset since he was the one who started everything so why did he make it sound like I was the one who start it all? My overly enormous pride went and made me swear to never talk to him again. He tried several times to patch things up, but I was being such a proud ice queen who refused to melt even a bit. I replied his messages sourly, talked to him only as needed, and just curtly nodded every time I meet him.

Time passed and the next thing I knew he was going out with one of the juniors. Not that I mind, really.

Then we graduated and he got a serious corporate job in our hometown while I went abroad to work in an international organization. I met new people and traveled around the globe when he was advancing through some promotions and settled down with her. I remembered the day I saw his fiancee uploaded the picture of the engagement ring in her finger on Twitter. I remembered the soft tingles in my belly when I clicked open the picture: a pretty princess cut diamond.

Now here I am, sitting at the porch, thinking how would I feel tomorrow at the ceremony. It was a bizarre feeling: it's not like I want to take the place of the bride, but what if I reacted differently back then? Not that I wanted to get married now, but what if I said yes when he asked me out again after the awkward "break"? How different would my life be? Would I still go travel the world for the last two years when he waited for me? Or would we still part anyway when I decided to go abroad and he was home bound? Then would he still hook up with this fiancee and get married like this? Would he meet someone else?

The what ifs, the thing that surfaced after you take a trip down the memory lane, rethink about your choices in every intersection of your life. The what ifs, the thing that could make you doubt yourself as you realized you still have no idea where were you going after leaving the other option.

The Chase and the Solstice

Her: Don't you ever feel tired?

Him: Tired? Of what?

Her: Of this. Of us.

Him: Us? You know there is no us. there has never been us.

Her: Well pardon my lack of vocabulary to describe this weird relatiendship we're having.

Him: I get your point. So you're tired?

Her: Right now? Yes. I can get the fact that there is no us. But at one point, everything is just overwhelming. I overwhelmed by the fact I love to talk to you so much, how we always find interesting topics to talk about and how we could be up all night just to talk about future we don't know to be existed yet. I overwhelmed by how I keep reminded of you after we meet, how every little thing I saw remind me of you or our jokes. Even worse, usually I remember both. I overwhelmed by the fact every single time I'm going to text you or call you or IM you, most likely you'd do that first. It's like we're meant to be, but I know we're not.

Him: I know. I get it. I always feel that way too. but you know why it won't work out.

Her: I know that you love the chase. The thing is, I do too. That's why this would be a never-ending chase. We chase each other, we play, we talk, we flirt. But when we catch one another, there would be no fun left.


Him: You know the solstice?

Her: There you go again. Giving out random facts to distract me, no, us from the main problem.

Him: No, it has something to do with us, if not the answer for this problem.Well, a solstice is an astronomical event when the Sun reaches its highest or lowest excursion. In many cultures marks either the beginning or the midpoint of winter and summer.

Her: And why should I care?

Him: In my opinion, every friendship has a solstice, if not solstices. That was the point where we realize we could be more than friend or just stay where we were. Our relatiendship, to use your word, has been through several solstices, both the highs and the lows. The winters and summers. I know I've been there when you got dumped, and vice versa. I know you always listen to my endless gibberish about my crushes and girlfriends. We've been there for each other all the time. Yet here we are, closer than friend with no relationship status.

Her: I know we have tried to be more than friends once or twice.

Him: It's about five times-ish actually, hahaha.

Her: Alright, and I know those don't work out. Once you even end up dating my cousin.

Him: Oh my, apologize for that one, really.

Her: Yeah, whatever.

Him: Anyway, the point is not every solstice mark the start of something new, a new stage. Sometimes it's just a mark of the beginning of a new season, which was really the same season we have experienced before.

Her: But as the season change, there are visible changes, you know. Flowers bloom. Snow falls.

Him: And there are changes in our solstices. We graduated, once from high school and once from college. Your first boyfriend dumped you. My ex cheated on me.

Her: You dated my cousin.

Him: Oh well, that too. You see how every point of our solstices are marked by how we stayed for each other, yet after it passed we decided to follow our own path. It's your path and my path, not our path.

Her: I guess the point is that you don't love me.

Him: That's not true. Of course I do love you. After all, any kind of friendship start out of love. It depends on us where we would lead our love.

Shortcut

"I'm tired," she said. "I can't do this anymore."

He kept silent, secretly hoped that it was only one of her rants. He had got used of those.

She looked at him, waiting for his respond. Her wide, brown eyes  were glassy.

"I'm talking to you, are you even listening?" Her voice became shrill at the end of the sentence.

"I'm tired of waiting. Of being alone in a relationship. God, I don't even know whether that makes sense," she put her hand on her forehead, then ran through her long lush hair, and faced down. She kept silent.

"Well, what are you proposing for us to do?" he finally replied. His voice was calm and soothing.

"I don't know," she said weakly, after another moment of silence.

"Do you want a break up?"

"I don't know."

"That would be the easiest solution for this problem, don't you think? The shortcut," he replied and smile. That right-lips-are-higher-than-the-left-ones kind of smile.

"So you want it?" she replied, a little bit defensively.

He sighed. And smile again, this time was wider.

"But I never said that," he smiled even wider, as if wanted to beat the sunshine that shone brightly through his window.

She kept silent.

"The way I see them, most shortcuts are not worth taking, really. Shortcut promises for instant happiness, but you know what easy-come-easy-go means. So, to answer your question, no I don't want a break up."

She still kept silent, although her eyes gleamed of curiosity.

"They said life is a journey. Well, I believe that one. But when you take a shortcut for your problem in life, you should know that you are actually missing the fight. The view along the way. The truths. The lessons. The best things in life. The sacrifices. Just like how you miss your sleep and how there is a chance that I would be late for my morning class right now."

She smiled slightly.

"I apologies that I can't give you any significant solution right now and that I would need you to wait some more, if you're willing. But I promise you I am doing my best here, so I could get home as soon as possible. I know this relationship is hard, but there are no relationships that don't need any struggle anyway. Well, the bottom line is, before I run for the campus bus, is it okay if you wait some more? Is it okay if we don't take the shortcut?"

There was another silence, but finally she nodded.

"Well, have a good day at class, then," she said as she rubbed her eyes and yawn.

"Thank you. Good night, you. Sleep tight."

Then he grabbed his bag and shut the laptop.