When they leave you, there is a wrenching pain in your heart.
Which will give you a scar.
A scar that might not be healed even if they come back to you.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Friday, January 24, 2014
The Summer Longing
What is the thing with missing something, or someone?
There goes again. The question that has been bugging me since the beginning of summer. I decided to drift a bit to the little coffee shop in the corner of the block, grab a spearmint iced tea which is perfect for the weather.
I know she is too perfect for me. Not out-of-my-league kind of perfect, but the one perfect. That, except she is not the one, at least not for me. It is not that I never try. I try, so hard, harder than I usually do for the other girls before her, or after. But you know the rule: after you try oh so hard yet it still does not work out, it just does not meant to be. Just suck it up, let it go, and move on.
As hard as I learn to admit it, the harder one is swallowing the bitter truth. She is not the one for me, no matter how perfect everything is, how compatible we are, how we are so synchronized in almost everything. It is just not going to work out.
I order a cup of spearmint iced tea, and take it to a seat in the corner of the coffee shop. I stir the iced tea and enjoy the sound of the ice cubes tinkling. As I stare at the pretty, kaleidoscopic ray of sunlight refracts through the ice cubes, my most recent memory of her swims back to my mind.
-----
I sat with her at one of the tables under the umbrella in front of the coffee shop. The coffee shop where I worked during the summer. I was on my break time, so I decided to grab a quick lunch with her and used my employee lunch for tomorrow to treat her. I stirred my iced tea and the ice cubes tinkled. Her hazel, doe eyes that I always adore fixed on the sparkling, tinkling ice cubes.
"I just love their tinkling sound, you know?" she smiled dreamily.
I stirred my iced tea again, the ice cubes tinkled even louder. She laughed, the sparkle in her eyes dancing.
"Don't push your luck, really," she said after her laugh ceased into small chuckles.
"What?" I replied innocently, smirked a little bit.
She only smiled at me and took a sip of her iced latte.
"What is the thing with missing something, or someone?" she asked me and looked into my eyes.
I knew she just broke up with her boyfriend, so I guessed it has nothing to do with him.
"What are you talking about?" I said, which was the only thing I had in my mind.
"I just realized that sometimes missing someone doesn't mean that you haven't met them for a while. Sometimes... Well, sometimes we just miss the way things were," she sighed, "you even could miss someone whom you see every single day, just because the person's attitude or the relationship between you and the person has changed. Oh well, it could be ourselves who has changed, not the other person."
She chuckled, although she did sound a little hesitated, like she was wondering whether I got the joke. I just stared at her, trying to figure out what was this all about.
"Sometimes, we miss someone because our feeling towards the person has changed. Either for the worse, or for the better."
-----
And now, I sit here in the exact same coffee shop, just different table. And I begin to wonder if she was talking about me, about us back then. I wonder whether her feeling towards me has changed. Of course, I have been thinking about that for million times and dismissed the thought for gazillion times. It just did not work out, does not and will never work out. She already moved halfway around the world anyway, so I guess I better stop torturing myself with that kind of thoughts. If she did not think telling me what was all that about before she went is important, I should not keep thinking about it as if it was important.
I take a last sip of my iced tea and return the empty glass to the counter. As I push the door to get out, a bizarre chill blows and I take a glance to the sky.
Even season changes. Summer almost over, and here goes autumn.
There goes again. The question that has been bugging me since the beginning of summer. I decided to drift a bit to the little coffee shop in the corner of the block, grab a spearmint iced tea which is perfect for the weather.
I know she is too perfect for me. Not out-of-my-league kind of perfect, but the one perfect. That, except she is not the one, at least not for me. It is not that I never try. I try, so hard, harder than I usually do for the other girls before her, or after. But you know the rule: after you try oh so hard yet it still does not work out, it just does not meant to be. Just suck it up, let it go, and move on.
As hard as I learn to admit it, the harder one is swallowing the bitter truth. She is not the one for me, no matter how perfect everything is, how compatible we are, how we are so synchronized in almost everything. It is just not going to work out.
I order a cup of spearmint iced tea, and take it to a seat in the corner of the coffee shop. I stir the iced tea and enjoy the sound of the ice cubes tinkling. As I stare at the pretty, kaleidoscopic ray of sunlight refracts through the ice cubes, my most recent memory of her swims back to my mind.
-----
I sat with her at one of the tables under the umbrella in front of the coffee shop. The coffee shop where I worked during the summer. I was on my break time, so I decided to grab a quick lunch with her and used my employee lunch for tomorrow to treat her. I stirred my iced tea and the ice cubes tinkled. Her hazel, doe eyes that I always adore fixed on the sparkling, tinkling ice cubes.
"I just love their tinkling sound, you know?" she smiled dreamily.
I stirred my iced tea again, the ice cubes tinkled even louder. She laughed, the sparkle in her eyes dancing.
"Don't push your luck, really," she said after her laugh ceased into small chuckles.
"What?" I replied innocently, smirked a little bit.
She only smiled at me and took a sip of her iced latte.
"What is the thing with missing something, or someone?" she asked me and looked into my eyes.
I knew she just broke up with her boyfriend, so I guessed it has nothing to do with him.
"What are you talking about?" I said, which was the only thing I had in my mind.
"I just realized that sometimes missing someone doesn't mean that you haven't met them for a while. Sometimes... Well, sometimes we just miss the way things were," she sighed, "you even could miss someone whom you see every single day, just because the person's attitude or the relationship between you and the person has changed. Oh well, it could be ourselves who has changed, not the other person."
She chuckled, although she did sound a little hesitated, like she was wondering whether I got the joke. I just stared at her, trying to figure out what was this all about.
"Sometimes, we miss someone because our feeling towards the person has changed. Either for the worse, or for the better."
-----
And now, I sit here in the exact same coffee shop, just different table. And I begin to wonder if she was talking about me, about us back then. I wonder whether her feeling towards me has changed. Of course, I have been thinking about that for million times and dismissed the thought for gazillion times. It just did not work out, does not and will never work out. She already moved halfway around the world anyway, so I guess I better stop torturing myself with that kind of thoughts. If she did not think telling me what was all that about before she went is important, I should not keep thinking about it as if it was important.
I take a last sip of my iced tea and return the empty glass to the counter. As I push the door to get out, a bizarre chill blows and I take a glance to the sky.
Even season changes. Summer almost over, and here goes autumn.
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