Leave Message after the Beep

...

"I wanted to, you know," she smiled weakly. "I wanted to wait for you. I wanted to because I knew I need to. I need to see where we will end up, where our path will finally meet a dead end. Will the dead end be a boring brick wall, will it be a small, tiny wooden gate covered with ivy and wild roses leading to another unpacked mystery. It's terrifying alright, but I wanted to. I wanted to wait and I wanted to do it for you. I wanted to do it with you."

She looked to the right. The fiberglass window showed her smile, which did not reach her eyes.

"And I know that if I want to wait, I have to have no expectation. Otherwise, it's not waiting. It's denying the truth while living the lie I want to be true. But then, you're not there. I mean, yeah, you're there some time before you go and make me questioning whether I should still wait. You go and make me wonder if I'm just making a fool of myself. It's tiring. It's tiring and I think...," her voice quivered a bit, "I think I'm done."

She hung up.

But she knew those words cannot even convince herself.