Paradox

You keep feeling lonely but you don't want me to stay.

I'm a broken toy but I keep trying to fix you.

Anchor

I took another look at the crowded terminal. Typical holiday hustle bustle. The screen had not showed my flight number yet, so I guessed I still need to wait for a couple of minutes for my luggage.

I turned on my phone, scrolling down to the last message he sent me.

Would you be my anchor?
Be the one who tie me to the shore
Not the one  who let me drown
Tie me to the place I call home
 
I did not reply, back then, six months ago. I did not know what to say in my reply, I did not know what he expects from me. More than anything, I did not want to let him down.

We had our ups and downs. Many times, perhaps hundreds if not thousands. In the end, we decided to still be friends. We were one of those cliches: can't live with each other, can't live without each other.

He said I annoy him a lot, I said I just show him the real me from the start.

I said he keeps me hanging, he said I expect way too much from him.

He said he cannot promise me anything, I said I will always be there for him anyway.

Then he sent me that last message, along with a date and time when he will go back home. For good. And try to set things out. He and I, among others.

It was terrifying to trust someone with all you have. Especially when all you have is them.

No promises, no commitment. Just friendship.

People cheat when they are in relationship, even married. How do you know they will not cheat on you when you are just friends? How can you be sure they will not lead you on and push you to the cliff? You did not have anything to promise one another. A scary thing, friendship. People trying to keep others around without any commitment or promises being made, only by trusting them not to leave you.

I took another glance to the screen, it showed my flight number. I got closer to the crowd as the luggage started to go round.

So, two months ago, I decided to take the risk. To take the leap of faith. I booked a ticket home, as close as I can get to the time he indicated in his message. I knew he usually stop by at the terminal's coffee shop before heading home, so I still got plenty of time to catch him.

Why?

Why did I decide so?

I got my luggage already and paced myself to the coffee shop.

Because by then, by the time I booked my ticket, I realized that he was, no, is my anchor. He always is. No matter how hard things get between us, we always find way to each other. And by then, I realized that I need an anchor. I might not be home for good, yet. But I realized that if he really is my anchor, I did not need any promises.

Because I knew he will always be there, to tie me to home where we belong.

And I knew I'm right when I saw his eyes lit up as I entered the coffee shop.